Movie Review: Jaws – The Revenge (1987)

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Guys, we are here at last… the final review in my series of movie reviews based the “Jaws” movies. It has been a tumultuous journey to say the least, but it feels good to finally be here. We made it through all of the movies. From the incredible 1975 original, to the mediocre sequel, to the unholy abomination that is the third one. And now, let’s finish this son of a bitch off.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the finale of this series… “Jaws: The Revenge”!

Where “Jaws 3” had potential for a great plot and fucked it up, this movie has one of the most ridiculous and also hilarious plots ever that you could never make genuinely amazing. In this movie we follow Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary), the wife of Chief Brody who apparently had a heart attack between the last time we saw him and this movie. After her son Sean (Mitchell Anderson) is killed by a giant shark, she starts believing that a giant murderous shark is actually following them around, apparently wanting revenge for his three shark buddies getting killed by the Brody family in all other movies. Yeah… this shark wants Revenge… with his Jaws… (I’ll show myself out now). I love this plot, but not in a “Oh my god, this is so great” sense, but more in a “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” sense. While the plot is terrible, it is also hilarious.

Here is something kind of positive I can say about this movie; compared to “Jaws 3”, the characters in this movie seem to have some real chemistry. In the last one it was like the director simply told them “Hey actors, speak the lines from the script and then we can all go to lunch”. In this you could actually believe that they are family despite the fact that there aren’t any good performances in the movie. Okay to be fair there are a few performances that are… fine, at best. And those are the ones of Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest (He plays Mike Brody) and WHAT THE FUCK IS MICHAEL CAINE DOING IN THIS MOVIE!? Don’t get me wrong, I love Michael Caine, but I am seriously wondering what he is doing in this movie. Not so fun fun fact: He couldn’t be and accept his Best Supporting Actor Oscar trophy because he was busy making this movie… oh lord.

The score for this movie is… not that bad. Don’t get me wrong on this one, it is not as great as the John Williams original, or even the score from the second movie, but it is at least better than in “Jaws 3-Dick”. Does it build suspense? Nope, no suspense here. But at least it is enjoyable to listen to in certain parts. The quality is definitely better than in the third movie. Thank you, Michael Small.

Joseph Sargent directed this one and it is decently done. Great? No. But again, better than “Jaws 3-Dick”. The shots look pretty good and everything flows pretty well. But what the director failed to do, which is a big sin when it comes to this franchise, is the fact that he never managed to create suspense or tension. *Sigh*. Also, the ending “action” scene is not good… although it is pretty fucking hilarious. And just to save you the trouble of having to watch it, I will spoil the shit out of it. I know I am breaking my own code here, but I feel like I can do it with a big piece of shit like this. They go out in a boat to the middle of the ocean, they put a… thing in the shark, they activate the thing, they stab the shark with the tip of the boat and it goes KABOOM! Stupid? Beyond belief. Good? Not in the slightest. Hilarious? I burst out laughing at that part. Oh also, the shark roars in the movie despite the fact that sharks don’t have vocal cords.

This movie has been incredibly poorly received. On Rotten Tomatoes it has a 0% positive rating (Ouch). Roger Ebert gave this movie a thumbs down which I can only assume is the lowest possible rating from him. And on imdb.com it has a score of 2,8/10. I even remember seeing it once on imdb’s “Bottom 100” list.

“Jaws: The Revenge” is an atrocious movie that really shouldn’t be watched unless you have the right crew with you. You need people who can help you talk smack about it while laughing at the stupidity. But at the same time, I like more than “Jaws 3”. It has better characters, better music and slightly better directing… but it’s still awful. Time for my final score. *GAAAAAAH*. My final score for “Jaws: The Revenge” is a 4,00/10. I think that you should just skip it.
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YEEEEEEEES! I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS SHIT! NO MORE SHITTY “JAWS” MOVIES! AAAAAAHHHHH!

While you’re at it, go watch Chris Stuckmann‘s review of the movie.

 

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