Movie Review: The Mummy (2017)

You almost gotta respect the sheer gall of Universal and its producers with this one. Fuckers were so confident that their *checks notes* “Dark Universe” was gonna kick off and be an instant hit, in order to try and ape the success of the MCU. But it flopped harder than a fish that was dropped from a plane. But hey, they did manage to get *checks notes again* one movie in, so let’s finally have a look at it, shall we.

Ladies, gents, and non-binaries… “The Mummy” from 2017.

When Egyptian princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) wakes from a millennia long slumber to wreak havoc on the world, it is up to soldier Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) and archaeologist Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis) to find some way of stopping the rampaging mummy’s crusade. Where to begin… well, I can begin by saying that the story here isn’t outright horrible. Reluctant hero, end of the world threat, ancient curses, destinies, there are ingredients here for a solid adventure flick… which was done very well in 1999, but I digress. As far as how it’s put together here, there’s nothing outright offensively bad here, but there’s also nothing that great either. It’s just a fairly uninspired rollercoaster, pretty much never rising above a shrug for me. It’s more or less the safest execution they could’ve tried for an action-fantasy-horror blockbuster in order to try and misguidedly kick off a cinematic universe. On occasion it threatens to include some fun world building, or there’s a cool idea for a set piece, but because of the lifeless execution, it pretty much just feels like a creative flatline from front to back.

The characters in this are… no, that’s it, they just are. Nothing of interest is really done with them. Our leading man, Nick, is a bit of a dick, a prick, a dude that should be smacked with a stick… but it’s not in an interesting way. He’s just a flatly written twat who we should find engagement from because he’s our hero, played by movie star Tom Cruise. Now, Cruise tries, and he’s fine in the role, but the character itself is just flat as hell. Annabelle Wallis plays an archaeologist who gets involved in the adventure, and she flip-flops between being a no-shit-taking lady who doesn’t sanction Nick’s buffoonery, and having a soft spot for him, but it’s not handled with enough grace and nuance to properly work. Wallis tries her best here, but she doesn’t get enough stuff to really dig her teeth into. Sofia Boutella is pretty good as Ahmanet, our main antagonist, and that’s mainly because she has such a great presence on screen. Otherwise the character is a fairly typical almighty entity type villain. Then there’s Russell Crowe as Dr. Jekyll, the head of an organization that’s into chasing monsters. Character isn’t much on paper again, but I really liked Crowe in the role, because he got to have a bit of fun here, which led to one sequence that made me smirk because of his performance. So yeah, Crowe’s fun. The cast also includes people like Jake Johnson, Courtney B. Vance (wasted), Marwan Kenzari, and more, who try their best despite not having the best material.

The score for the movie was composed by Brian Tyler, and it’s alright. Some nice string work and decent brass sections… and that’s about it. Tyler’s a great composer, and he composed a score that worked alright here. Not his most inspired work, but it’s a decently solid bit of music.

“The Mummy” was directed by Alex Kurtzman, and I think he did *sigh* an alright job here. There’s nothing horrible about his direction, everything’s passably edited, and occasionally pretty well shot. He does decent work with the action scenes as well. The VFX here are solid, giving us a helthy blend of practical and CG. Really, the craft here is perfectly fine. It comes down to the uninspired writing and various production issues here. Nothing that really gets to feel inspired or like it has any heart to it.

This movie hasn’t been very well received. On Rotten Tomatoes it has a 15% positive rating. On Metacritic it has a score of 34/100. And on imdb.com it has a score of 5.4/10.

Is 2017’s “The Mummy” one of the worst movies on the planet? No, not at all. But I also don’t recommend it, I feel like it’s a little too lifeless to really engage. Its story is a flatline, none of the characters really engage, the cast are okay, the music’s okay, and the direction and action is fine. Time for my final score. *Ahem*. My final score for “The Mummy” is a 4.55/10. So I’d recommend skipping it.

My review of “The Mummy” is now completed.

Look, having a series of movies about a secret organization going after classic monsters isn’t a horrible idea… I just think the approach by the producers was very misguided.

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