Movie Review: Carnosaur (1993)

I can already hear the comments asking why I watched this movie, let alone review it. Well, let’s just say that I am currently petitioning to get morbid curiosity labeled as a federal crime in order to prevent shit like this from happening to me again.

Ladies and gents… “Carnosaur”.

A scientist manages, through some sort of bioengineering, to bring a dinosaur to life, which then promptly escapes from the lab… seeking to eat any living thing that comes in its path. Do you like “Jurassic Park”, but wish they took out all the awe, the whimsy, the fun, the suspense… and basically anything that makes a good story out? Well then “Carnosaur” is for you! Look, I expected schlocky entertainment, that’s fine. But could you at least aim to make said schlock fun? This right here is boring. How do you make an 80-minute movie about a murderous dinosaur this sluggish and dull? The writing here isn’t even a funny kind of bad, it’s just bad bad.

The characters are so boring and uninteresting that I didn’t recognize them beyond “Main-ish guy”, “Scientist lady”, and “Clint Howard”. Which is a shame, because there’s some genuine talent in this cast. Diane Ladd, Raphael Sbarge, Ned Bellamy, and Clint Howard are all talented people, I think they all at least try to do something good with the material here… but they all unfortunately can’t elevate this web sock of a script. Except for Clint Howard, he at least seems mildly self-aware about it all.

The score for the movie was composed by Nigel Holton, and it’s not great. His compositions are eclectic, poorly structured, and a bit week. I get that he’s going for the good ol’ monster brass. What does that mean? Loud, a little bit chaotic, utilizing a lot of staccatos to create a sort of scare effect. And while I respect that… it doesn’t really work here due to somewhat poor compositions.

Based on the novel of the same name written by John Brosnan, “Carnosaur” was written and directed by Adam Simon… and if you’ve read the previous sections, you might figure out my thoughts here. I get that this is low-budget, but I’ve seen low budget films that work around their limitations even better. The shot composition is passable at best, and the editing is quite meh too. If I have to give a few words of praise to anything, the effects work is alright. The dinosaur effects look fine, and there’s a few pretty alright gore effects too. But overall the craft in this isn’t great.

This movie hasn’t been very well received at all. On Rotten Tomatoes it has an 11% positive rating. And on imdb.com it has a score of 3,6/10.

I love dinosaurs. I love a bit of schlock. But “Carnosaur” somehow really let me down by being boring, unfocused, drab, and not having a single interesting character. Time for my final score. *Ahem*. My final score for “Carnosaur” is a 1,02/10. So definitely skip this one.

My review of “Carnosaur” is now completed.

How can you make dinosaurs boring?

12 Films of Christmas (Final Part)

We’re finally here, guys. The final part of this silly series of mine. We’ve talked about all kinds of christmas cheer. From the obnoxiously sweet “Elf”, to the not very cheerful “Bad Santa”, to the commercialism-critiquing “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, to the explosive and and violent “Die Hard”. It’s really been fun doing this.

This whole thing started with “The Grinch”, so it will end with “The Grinch”. It’s christmastime in Whoville, and everyone in town is overly excited for the holiday. Except for little Cindy Lou Who (Taylor Momsen) who just doesn’t get what the point of it all is. Oh, and the Grinch (Jim Carrey) hates it too. So he cooks up a vile plan to steal christmas from the people of Whoville. And is this any good? It’s… okay. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like it’s one of the greatest christmas movies of all time, but I don’t think it’s one of the worst either. The biggest problem is that it takes a classic 25-minute long story and extend the runtime while also “modernizing” it. From 25, to 140. From simple humor about stealing christmas, to weird, early 2000s humor. Ron Howard directed this, but that’s quite difficult to tell. You could’ve told me that this was directed by Jerry Generic, and I would’ve believed you. It’s more concerned with weird late 90s/early 2000s filmmaking tricks rather than being interesting or making sense. Anyway, is there anything I like about this. Jim Carrey as the Grinch. Not only is the makeup/costume amazing, but his shtick works surprisingly well… even though it’s just Jim Carrey being Jim Carrey while wearing a Grinch costume. But he’s still enjoyable in the role. Taylor Momsen as Cindy Lou Who is adorable, and her performance is good… so that’s a plus. And there are some jokes here that land. Also, I like Anthony Hopkins’ narration. Not because it’s “inspiring” or “entertaining”, but more because I imagine it being Hannibal Lecter reading the story to one of his victims, and that makes this entire ordeal a bit more fun. So yeah, “The Grinch”… it’s average.

What are your thoughts on “The Grinch”? And what’s your favorite Jim Carrey movie? Leave any and all thoughts in the comments.
Merry christmas, happy holidays, and have a good one.