Movie Review: Jaws – The Revenge (1987)

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Guys, we are here at last… the final review in my series of movie reviews based the “Jaws” movies. It has been a tumultuous journey to say the least, but it feels good to finally be here. We made it through all of the movies. From the incredible 1975 original, to the mediocre sequel, to the unholy abomination that is the third one. And now, let’s finish this son of a bitch off.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the finale of this series… “Jaws: The Revenge”!

Where “Jaws 3” had potential for a great plot and fucked it up, this movie has one of the most ridiculous and also hilarious plots ever that you could never make genuinely amazing. In this movie we follow Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary), the wife of Chief Brody who apparently had a heart attack between the last time we saw him and this movie. After her son Sean (Mitchell Anderson) is killed by a giant shark, she starts believing that a giant murderous shark is actually following them around, apparently wanting revenge for his three shark buddies getting killed by the Brody family in all other movies. Yeah… this shark wants Revenge… with his Jaws… (I’ll show myself out now). I love this plot, but not in a “Oh my god, this is so great” sense, but more in a “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” sense. While the plot is terrible, it is also hilarious.

Here is something kind of positive I can say about this movie; compared to “Jaws 3”, the characters in this movie seem to have some real chemistry. In the last one it was like the director simply told them “Hey actors, speak the lines from the script and then we can all go to lunch”. In this you could actually believe that they are family despite the fact that there aren’t any good performances in the movie. Okay to be fair there are a few performances that are… fine, at best. And those are the ones of Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest (He plays Mike Brody) and WHAT THE FUCK IS MICHAEL CAINE DOING IN THIS MOVIE!? Don’t get me wrong, I love Michael Caine, but I am seriously wondering what he is doing in this movie. Not so fun fun fact: He couldn’t be and accept his Best Supporting Actor Oscar trophy because he was busy making this movie… oh lord.

The score for this movie is… not that bad. Don’t get me wrong on this one, it is not as great as the John Williams original, or even the score from the second movie, but it is at least better than in “Jaws 3-Dick”. Does it build suspense? Nope, no suspense here. But at least it is enjoyable to listen to in certain parts. The quality is definitely better than in the third movie. Thank you, Michael Small.

Joseph Sargent directed this one and it is decently done. Great? No. But again, better than “Jaws 3-Dick”. The shots look pretty good and everything flows pretty well. But what the director failed to do, which is a big sin when it comes to this franchise, is the fact that he never managed to create suspense or tension. *Sigh*. Also, the ending “action” scene is not good… although it is pretty fucking hilarious. And just to save you the trouble of having to watch it, I will spoil the shit out of it. I know I am breaking my own code here, but I feel like I can do it with a big piece of shit like this. They go out in a boat to the middle of the ocean, they put a… thing in the shark, they activate the thing, they stab the shark with the tip of the boat and it goes KABOOM! Stupid? Beyond belief. Good? Not in the slightest. Hilarious? I burst out laughing at that part. Oh also, the shark roars in the movie despite the fact that sharks don’t have vocal cords.

This movie has been incredibly poorly received. On Rotten Tomatoes it has a 0% positive rating (Ouch). Roger Ebert gave this movie a thumbs down which I can only assume is the lowest possible rating from him. And on imdb.com it has a score of 2,8/10. I even remember seeing it once on imdb’s “Bottom 100” list.

“Jaws: The Revenge” is an atrocious movie that really shouldn’t be watched unless you have the right crew with you. You need people who can help you talk smack about it while laughing at the stupidity. But at the same time, I like more than “Jaws 3”. It has better characters, better music and slightly better directing… but it’s still awful. Time for my final score. *GAAAAAAH*. My final score for “Jaws: The Revenge” is a 4,00/10. I think that you should just skip it.
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YEEEEEEEES! I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS SHIT! NO MORE SHITTY “JAWS” MOVIES! AAAAAAHHHHH!

While you’re at it, go watch Chris Stuckmann‘s review of the movie.

 

Movie Review: Jaws 3 (1983)

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Sorry that it’s taken me so long to get to this entry, the only reason I got is because I have been hesitant to do it. I’ve been like “No, I don’t wanna watch it! NO!” but then I was like “Come on, Markus… you promised your followers”. So I took a deep breath, groaned for a bit and finally sat down to continue my series of “Jaws” reviews.

Ladies and gentlemen… “Jaws 3”. Or as they marketed it, “Jaws 3-D” (Oh lord).

So in this movie a shark breaks into Sea World and it’s up to Mike Brody (Dennis Quaid) and Sean Brody (John Putch) to stop it. That’s right, this time it is up to the sons of our beloved Police Chief to try to stop the shark. I’m not gonna lie, I actually liked the idea of a shark breaking into Sea World and causing mayhem. Problem is however that the execution for the plot is pretty bad. And by bad I mean fucking terrible. There is no suspense or tension AT ALL in the movie, it’s all gone. And the writing in the movie wasn’t very good either, so that just made the storytelling even worse. And the fact that the plot can get over-the-top and unintentionally hilarious doesn’t make it any better.

The characters are uninteresting. That’s it, uninteresting. And it doesn’t help that the actors are mediocre at best in the movie. I mean… I guess Dennis Quaid’s fine, but most other actors are straight up not good. I think a bit of it comes from the lackluster script as well as the actors.

For this movie Alan Parker took over the reins for the score. So how was it? BLAUAUAUAUauaaauuuuuauuuuu. Yep, it’s bad. It’s bloated, it’s ridiculous and it doesn’t know how to build any tension whatsoever. Even “Jaws 2” knew how to build a little bit of suspense with it’s score. This score has no idea what the fuck suspense or tension is. This score is terrible.

The directing in this movie is not good… at all. The camera starts, the camera films, the camera stops. Nothing great about it. And this is also the only movie that director Joe Alves has ever directed (Gee, I wonder why). Also, I mentioned in the beginning how this movie was marketed as “Jaws 3-D”. Yeah, and it is very noticeable that they wanted it to be 3-D. But even if you watch a 3-D movie in 2-D it should blend in seamlessly… but “Jaws 3” does not do that. The 3-D effects are very noticeable and they are some of the worst I have ever seen. I’m not gonna lie, I even laughed at the efects becaus they were so bad. Especially at one part near the end (spoilers, even though you shouldn’t watch this piece of shit) where the shark is heading straight for a glass window and breaks it. It all looks awful and it is pretty hilarious. My god, this movie has nothing going for it, huh?

This movie has not been well-received at all. It is so terribly received that it doesn’t exist on Metacritic or on Roger Ebert’s website. Anyway, on Rotten Tomatoes it has an 11% positive rating (Ouch). And on imdb.com it has a score of 3,5/10.

Guys… “Jaws 3-Dick” is fucking awful. It has a terrible plot, no good characters, terrible music, bad directing, awful 3-D and is almost impossible to watch. Time for my final score. *Cries in a corner for 5 minutes*. My final score for “Jaws 3” is a 1,77/10. I seriously think we should BURN THAT SHIT!
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Review of “Jaws 3” is done.

I don’t know why I am doing this for you guys.

Movie Review: Jaws (1975)

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It is time. I told you guys a while back that I would be reviewing every movie in this series this summer to celebrate 40 years of shark-based terror. So, without further interruptions… let’s go hunt us a shark.

Ladies and gentlemen… “Jaws!”

Welcome to Amity, New York, a real summer holiday town! It looks pleasant, like somewhere you would go with your family for some summertime fun. But that would get slightly changed when a young woman is killed by a giant killer shark. So it will be up to a police chief (Roy Scheider), an oceanographer (Richard Dreyfuss) and a crazy fisherman (Robert Shaw) to go out there and stop it. And that makes for a really interesting plot. Everything about the story works; the pacing, the build-up(s), the suspenseful moments… everything. But the plot gets to it’s absolute peak in the second half when they decide to go out in a boat and hunt down the shark. The sense of isolation and suspense is absolutely perfect in these scenes. And that is when the suspense of the plot really kicks into gear. To be honest, every part of the plot works fantastically.

The characters in this movie are fleshed out, well-written and really entertaining. Roy Scheider is perfect as this polie chief who doesn’t want any more people to die. Richard Dreyfuss is great as this oceanographer who wants to study the shark and of course help stop the killings. And Robert Shaw as Quint… the man, the myth, the legend. He is just straight up manliness at it’s finest. Such a badass who is also a bit of a crazy person sometimes. All of the characters are great in some way.

The score for this movie was done by none other than John Williams himself. And the score helps build the suspense of this movie perfectly. It isn’t like “BWAAAAH” all the time but much rather goes on the down low and starts building more and more until it can finally emerge from the water and “BAM!” in your face. And no, it doesn’t always build up to a “BAM!” but it does help hold the suspense perfectly. And it is just overall a great score that I enjoy listening to every now and then.

This movie when it was being made was going through some production problems. And by some I mean basically all the production problems possible. They were over the deadline, they were over budget, the mechanical shark broke down at all possible times, basicalyl everything that could go wrong went wrong. But they managed to get through it and it looks like it turned out well. Anyway, this was directed by the one and only Steven Spielberg and he did a fantastic job. Since he couldn’t use the mechanical shark at all times he came up with hte excellent idea to take the camera under the water as to portray the point of view of the shark when it had targeted something. And that obviously worked to the movie’s advantage. Overall this movie really well-directed with great camera work at all times. Also, here is a fun fact for you: The mechanical shark was named Bruce, after Spielberg’s lawyer.

This movie has been really well-received. On Rotten Tomatoes it has a 97% positive rating with a “Fresh” certification. On Metacritic it has a score of 79/100. Roger Ebert gave the movie 4/4 stars and put it in his “Great Movies” list. And on imdb.com it got a score of 8,1/10 and is ranked #207 on the “Top 250” list. The movie also won 3 Oscars in the categories of Best sound, Best Film Editing and Best Original Score. It was also nominated for 1 Oscar in the category of Best Picture. 

“Jaws” is a movie with an excellent and suspenseful plot, fantastic characters and performances, an excellent and suspenseful score, fantastic direction and one of the best endings of all time. Time for my final score. Dun DUN, dun DUN, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun DU-DU- DUUUUN! My final score for “Jaws” is a 9,90/10. It definitely gets the “SEAL OF APPROVAL!”.
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“Jaws” is at last reviewed.

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies, farewell and adieu you ladies of Spain…

Happy birthday, Jaws!

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What’s up, people? I am just here to talk a tiny bit about one of cinema’s greatest hits. A movie that has had so much influence over the movie industry yet has never been topped. A movie that made people afraid to go to the beach. That’s right… “Top Gun”! I’m kidding, but those shirtless guys-only volleyball games were kind of scary…ish. No, I am talking about the cinematic masterpiece “Jaws” from master director Steven Spielberg!

On the 1st of June 1975 “Jaws” saw the light of day and became the first real blockbuster. Hell, this is the movie that basically coined the term “blockbuster” simply because people were standing in lines around the block to see this movie. People saw it, they loved it and they got so scared that they didn’t go in the water for a while. Well I don’t blame them, “Jaws” is a pretty scary movie. And by scary I mean really freaking suspenseful. This is a universally loved movie to this day and it is still scaring people with DVDs and Blu-Rays and VODs and WTFs and all kinds of video formats.

I remember when I first saw it. I was around 13 or 14, I was sitting in my room and it was on TV. To be completely honest, I wasn’t that scared by it but I did think it was creepy. I thought the movie was really well made, I thought the actors gave terrific performances and I thought John Williams’ score was fantastic. It was overall a great movie. And the finale of the movie was also fantastic! I won’t spoil it if you somehow haven’t seen it yet. But how can you not have seen it yet… It’s motherfucking “Jaws”!

Talking about this amazing movie has given me a craving to review it one day soon. And the sequels too probably. So look forward to that!

Have a good one and you’re gonna need a bigger boat.

My Top 15 Movie Theme Songs

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As a guy who watches a good amount of movies I tend to often listen in on the soundtrack. And not necessarily on when you hear a licensed track and go “Oh shit, I know that song!”. I mainly talk about the original score for the movie. You know, the music a composer has spent countless hours writing and conducting. So today I am here to give you my list of favorite theme songs from different movies! Time to lay out the rules!

Rule #1: Same as always, this is my list. If you disagree with something then you can’t complain about it. Maybe you can write a comment on what song you would have included on the list.

Rule #2: Even though some songs are really recognizable as the movie theme song (Example: “Born to be Wild” in the movie “Easy Rider”) I will only include songs that someone has composed.

Rule #3: The song has to truly be recognized as the main theme to make this list. So even though I absolutely love the song “Time” from “Inception” it will not make the cut as it isn’t called or known as the main theme of the movie.

Rule #4: Listen and enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen… My Top 15 Movie Theme Songs.

Number 15: River Kwai March – The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

First up on the list is the main theme from a movie I haven’t even seen yet… oops. But I am still putting it here on the list because of how catchy and memorable it is. Whenever I hear it I want to start marching to some place and have this play the entire way. (Sidenote: First time I heard this was when it was in one of my sheet music books a few years ago).

Number 14: Lux Aeterna – Requiem For a Dream (2000)

At number 14 we have this beautiful piece of music composed by Clint Mansell and also happens to be the theme song to the most depressing movie ever. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking adore the movie, it is just depressing. I am also not ashamed to say that it is the scariest movie I have ever seen. Seriously, after I was done seeing the movie I still had chills down my spine and I wanted to go hug something. And this was the perfect theme tune to accompany it. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go cuddle with my dog because of scary “Requiem” flashbacks.

Number 13: Claudia’s theme – Unforgiven (1992)

Next up on the list is the fantastic, beautiful and almost tear inducing theme tune from Clint Eastwood’s final western. Not only does this songs fit perfectly for the movie, but it also happens to be one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Lennie Niehaus’ composition combined with memories of the fantastic movie it is part of always brings a smile to my face. I mean, that god damn guitar… fantastic, simply fantastic!

Number 12: Intro theme – Fight Club (1999)

You think you would be safe from me talking about “Fight Club”, huh? Well whoop-de-doo, you’re not! This song really catches you off guard the first time you hear when you decide to finally watch “Fight Club”. I know I was at least thrown off guard when I sat there, waiting for the movie to start and then *BOOM, BITCH* it kicks in and I knew I was going for one hell of a ride! Hell, this song just sums up what “Fight Club” is… a big, crazy ride!

Number 11: Main title – Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

At number 11 is the metallic, badass and kind of awesome theme tune from the metallic, badass and kind of awesome action/sci-fi movie “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”. And yes, I know the first “Terminator” movie has the same theme song, but “T2” has the better version (In my opinion). It starts with some heavy bangs, continues with some slow(ish) synth sound and finishes off with some more heavy bangs. But I have an even better description for the song, here we go… DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!

Number 10: James Bond theme – Dr. No (1962)

I will admit, I have not actually seen “Dr. No”. But I can say that I have listened to this song more than a few times trhoughout my life. Why? Because it’s awesome! The brass, the guitar, the… EVERYTHING! It is a classic theme that will live through to the end of days and will get covers and remixes as long as people still exist on this planet. I also like it because it feels very… agent-y. I don’t know how to descrive any other way, it’s just good.

Number 9: Pacific Rim – Pacific Rim (2013)

One of the newer songs on the list. This song combines two things I absolutely love; Epic orchestras with a good amount of string instruments, and guitar. This song wa composed by Ramin Djawadi who you may know from things like “Prison Break” or “Game of Thrones”. And for this song he got help from none other than the Nightwatchman himself… Tom Morello who does the badass guitar stuff. You probably know him from the band “Rage Against the Machine”. Either that or you know him from playing “Guitar Hero 3”. Anyway, this songs is really badass, really epic and really awesome. I want it played at my wedding when I walk down the aisle… I know, I’m weird.

Number 8: Main title – Jaws (1975)

Duuuun DUN, Duuuun DUN… that is all I have to say to scare your butts out of the ocean. This theme is as iconic as a theme tune of a movie can get and it has been mimicked many a time. Also, if you love the movie like I do, this song makes you smile you son of a…!

Number 7: Raider’s March – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Oh if nothing has gotten me any flak yet, this sure as hell will. Putting “Indiana Jones” as low as number 7. But hey, it’s at least still in the Top 10. This song always gets me pumped to go on an adventure and look for ancient treasures in an old temple in an old jungle! But really I would end up looking at rocks and sticks in the woods. But it would still be really fucking epic with this song playing! Also, it is a John Williams track… those are always great and you know it!

Number 6: Main theme – Speed (1994)

This seriously reminds me of how I forgot to put “Speed” in my “Top Action Movies” list. I feel so embarassed. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk. This track, composed by Mark Mancina, is badass, epic and perfectly fits the high speed, high tension action movie it is used in. You also got to love that part early in the song when you have several consecutive hits. I don’t know how to explain it in text, but I hope someone out there knows which part I am talking about! Someone!

Number 5: Gonna Fly Now – Rocky (1976)

Hearing this song makes me want to work out which is weird because I am one lazy son of a bitch. It is also a little weird to have this here because… *sigh*… I have unfortunately not seen “Rocky” yet. I know, slap me all you want, I don’t fucking care. I just know this song is amazing. I even chose it as one of the songs I have as homework to play on my trombone. It is going pretty well so far. But this song composed by Bill Conti is the infamous song that plays during that one scene I know of where Rocky is just working out like crazy to become the greatest boxer ever or something. I should probably see the movie…

Number 4: Theme song – The Rock (1996)

Here we have a movie that I have actually seen (and even reviewed here on the blog *Shameless self-promotion*) and that I really enjoyed. This silly action movie from Michael Bay is one of those action movies that not only had great action scenes but also showed some good emotion, mainly thanks to the amazing score by Hans Zimmer, Harry Gregson-Williams and Nick Glenne-Smith. And this theme tune is what really drives the score home and shows what music can do for a movie. Having parts with some genuine emotion in them, then more action-y bits and some more emotion really helps sell this as a great song.

Number 3: Main theme – Star Wars (1977)

“WHAT THE FUCK, STAR WARS NOT NUMBER 1, I’LL KILL YOU YA LITTLE BITCH!” said the moron in the audience who didn’t read the rules. But come on, “Star Wars” in the Top 3 is still really good if you think about it. I love “Star Wars” as much as the next guy, I’m not lying about that. This theme is as recognizable as can be since it’s been used in 6 official movies, 1 animated movie, 2 animated shows and more video games than I have fingers. So it is really well known. It will probably be used in the upcoming “Star Wars” movies as well and it will never lose it’s popularity. It will also never leave our hearts as it is part of all our childhoods, adulthoods and elderly years.

Number 2: Theme song – Jurassic Park (1993)

While “Star Wars” is John Williams’ most iconic score, I personally prefer “Jurassic Park” over “Star Wars”. At least when it comes to the “main theme song” department. While the “Star Wars” theme was one of the first themes I ever heard that stuck to me, “Jurassic Park” somehow holds a deeper emotional resonance to me. I don’t know why, maybe it is my everlasting love of dinosaurs that brings me back to the movie and it’s main theme song. But I think we can all agree that this song is beautiful and captured our hearts just as fast as the amazing visual effects of the timeless classic simply known as “Jurassic Park”.

Before we go to number 1, here are some honorable mentions (Sidenote: Reason they are honorable mentions is because of me thinking about them AFTER I started the list.
Pink Panther theme (1963)
Axel F – Beverly Hills cop (1984)

Mortal Kombat theme (1995)
Speak softly Love – The Godfather (1972)
Hedwig’s theme – Harry Potter (2001 – 2011)

NUMBER 1: Il Buono, il Brutto e il Cattivo – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

Fuckin’ A! This is my number 1 pick for “Favorite Movie Theme Songs”. The epic, the classic and the badass theme from the amazing western “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”. This song is THE example that shows off the fact that Ennio Morricone is one if not THE best composer ever. Okay, to be fair there are composers up there at his level, if not better. But with this song and even the entire soundtrack to the movie he shows that he IS fantastic. The ocarina, the guitar, the percussion… I just love all of it! There is nothing about this song I dislike (Not that there was anything wrong with the previously mentioned tracks). I absolutely adore this song, let it live on FOREVER!!!

So those were My Top 15 Movie Theme Songs. What are some of your favorites? Leave an answer down below and let me know!

See ya!