Quentin Rankantino

Howdy, motherfuckers. Today we’re doing something a little bit differently. Instead of reviewing something, we’re ranking stuff. And by we, I mean me. With the impending release of “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”, I have been rewatching all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies. So now that I got that task done, I have decided to rank them, from least favorite, to my top pick. So get your buckets of blood and Samuel L. Jacksons ready as we rank the movies of Quentin Tarantino, in a special post we call… Quentin Rankantino!

Number 9: Death Proof.

Coming in at the bottom is Tarantino’s grindhouse homage, “Death Proof” (fittingly used within the “Grindhouse” double feature). It’s not awful per se, but it’s Tarantula’s weakest movie by a mile. The pacing is wonky, and I don’t exactly find any of the characters particularly interesting. What gives it some points are the action scenes, which are a hard-hitting bit of fun. Also, Kurt fucking Russell… I don’t have much to say there, I just like Kurt Russell.

Number 8: Jackie Brown.

For our number 8 slot we make a huge god damn leap from “not that good” to “that’s really good”. In Toronto’s third movie, based on “Rum Punch” by Elmore Leonard, a stewardess (Pam Grier) gets drawn into a complex crime plot by the ATF. It can feel a bit cluttered at times, affecting the pacing a bit, which is why it finds itself so low on the list. But with that said, thanks to the stellar cast and one hell of a funky soundtrack it still stands out as a damn solid movie in this director’s filmography.

Number 7: Kill Bill Volume 1

Now, I know that Turntable considers “Kill Bill” one movie, but they were released as two, so I rank them as two. Now, I find the story and characterization a bit weak in this one… but it’s still a damn good movie, filled with stylish, batshit insane action and some fun performances.

Number 6: Kill Bill Volume 2

While I’d put both “Assassinate William” movies on the same level in terms of various technicalities, I still do prefer the second one, due to its slower, more character-driven journey. Yes, we do still get some crazy, well handled action, but it’s not quite as much as in the first movie… and that’s okay.

Number 5: The Hateful Eight

Tabernacle’s second western is quite the interesting tale of assholes trying to not kill each other… which is technically how one could describe all his movies to some extent. Hmm. Either way, this 2015 western-drama-thriller may be very slow, but it’s quite the electrifying experience, thanks in large part to the absolutely mesmerizing performances from its core cast. Plus, having a score from maestro Ennio Morricone certainly doesn’t hurt.

Number 4: Pulp Fiction

Oh how many watches am I gonna get shoved up my ass for this placement? That’s right, the fourth place winner is Tacheometer’s sophomore outing, “Pulp Fiction”. Often considered one of the greatest movies ever made (and I can see why), it tells the tale of many assholes and their overlapping stories. And it’s that story that brings it down a bit for me (*”Ironside” siren blares*). It’s fun to watch, but the jumping back and forth, especially between so many stories can make it feel a little, well, jumpy at times, which can every so lightly fuck with the pacing a times. But with the help from an amazing cast, great music, and the ever so fiery dialogue, it manages to still hold up quite well.

Number 3: Django Unchained

A mostly straightforward revenge tale, Tartarology’s “Django Unchained” still manages to entertain across its nearly three hour runtime thanks to a colorful cast, an amazing soundtrack, and some of the most blood-soaked shootouts I have ever fucking seen. It’s a bit of slavery drama mixed with a popcorn bloodbath. What’s not to love?

Number 2: Reservoir Dogs

At the number two slot is where we find Tatterdemalion’s cinematic debut, “Reservoir Dogs”, a heist movie that isn’t really a heist movie. Showing the before and after of a botched diamond robbery, the movie jumps back and forth as we get to know the various characters as they deal with this entire situation. It’s fun, it’s suspenseful, and it’s one of the most impressive debuts I have ever seen.

NUMBER 1: Inglourious Basterds

And we’re finally at the number 1 slot. Numero uno. Top of the pops. My favorite of Tangoreceptor’s movies. “Inglourious Basterds” is a clever piece of historical fiction, showing the stories of various people trying to kill nazis. From a group of Jewish-American guerrilla soldiers, to the British government, to a young woman seeking revenge… everyone is out for nazi blood, and it is one hell of a good time. Dramatic, funny, suspenseful, exciting, it’s everything one could want in a movie from this director. There’s a ton of great stuff within this movie that I don’t have the time (or current willingness) to write about, but all of it comes together wonderfully to make my favorite movie from this director.

So what do you think? What’s your favorite movie from Quantum Turnbuckle? Please tell me, I’d love to hear from y’all.
Have a good one.

Movie Review: Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)

kill_bill_vol_1_63007-1280x800

Quentin Tarantino is one of those directors that really came out of nowhere when he first started out and immediately became a big shot in Hollywood. His directorial stardom rocket was his 1992 movie “Reservoir Dogs” and followed in 1994 by his great “Pulp Fiction”. And over the years he has continued making weird, yet good movies. Such as “Django Unchained”. And today we are taking a look at one of his odd movies. A movie about revenge and blood…lots and lots of blood.

Ladies and Gentlemen…”Kill Bill, Volume 1″.

This movie follows a woman only known as “The Bride” (Uma Thurman). On her wedding day she and everyone else at the little chapel in Texas gets killed by a band of assassins called “Deadly Viper Assassination Squad”. Thing is…she used to be part of that merry band of assassins. So after being beaten, shot and left for dead, she falls in a coma. While in this coma, her unborn baby of course (unfortunately) dies. A few years later she wakes up in a hospital. She screams from finding out her pregnant belly is gone. When a male nurse named Buck (Michael Bowen) gets paid to let a guy rape her in her supposed “sleep”, she of course kills them both. She steals the keys to Buck’s “Pussy Wagon” and goes with a wheelchair to the car named “Pussy Wagon”. So after sitting in it for circa 13 hours and finally getting her legs working, she starts the car and is off to seek out revenge on the people that tried to kill her. Especially her former boss/lover Bill (David Carradine). Now, this story is good…but does not appeal to me in execution. Sure, there are things in this movie that I really like that relate to the story. For example, there is a scene that gives us the backstory to one of the supporting characters…and that is honestly the best part of the movie. Also, based on promotional posters and DVD covers, this looks like it is gonna be a shit-ton of fighting…but their isn’t that much. Yes, fighting is prominent in the story…but not as much as advertised. Not saying there has to be only fighting, as you may recall from a few of my reviews, I am one for subtlety…but with this weird execution of the story, a little more fighting or something in that direction would have helped a bit. But when there is fighting…it is highly satisfying to watch. Another thing you will notice is that the dialogue is very Tarantino-y…which is a good thing in a Tarantino movie.

The characters I honestly don’t care about. Sure, their dialogue is awesome, but the characters themselves are nothing special…they are pretty meh. I usually like the characters in Tarantino movies…but here I can’t. Maybe it is because they don’t get too much development…they barely get any for that matter. Again, the only part where I care about the character is the animated section that gives the backstory of one of the supporting characters who ends up the main villain in this movie. Also, for a movie called “Kill Bill”, Bill is not very prominent in this movie.

Now time for some praise…the music. The RZA did a fantastic job with it. It is so good that it was nominated for a BAFTA. And what kind of music are we looking at here?  A random mish-mash of musical styles…which is not necessarily a bad thing. In this movie this random mish-mash really works, seriously.

Now like I said, I would have loved a little more fighting in this movie. But the fights in this movie are really well done. Whoever choreographed them deserves an applaud and a raise. Not kidding. Also, like most Tarantino movies, this is very bloody…bloodier than his other movies to be completely honest…which doesn’t rub me the right way. Look, I know Tarantino movies are supposed to be brutal…but having fountains of blood coming from the people you kill is a little overkill (Pun not intended).

Reception for “Kill Bill” was pretty good to say the least. Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 85% rating and have certified it “Fresh”. Metacritic gave it the score 69/100.
Roger Ebert gave this a perfect 4/4 star rating and said this:

“Kill Bill, Volume 1” shows Quentin Tarantino so effortlessly and brilliantly in command of his technique that he reminds me of a virtuoso violinist racing through “Flight of the Bumble Bee” — or maybe an accordion prodigy setting a speed record for “Lady of Spain.” I mean that as a sincere compliment. The movie is not about anything at all except the skill and humor of its making. It’s kind of brilliant.

imdb.com holds the score of 8,2/10 and has it ranked #166 on their Top 250 list.

I have given my different opinions of the different aspects on this movie that I felt like giving. And now here comes my little score. I give “Kill Bill Volume 1” a 7,84/10 and a recommendation to rent it. This is a movie that you can have fun with on the weekend…but not really worth a buy. So that is my opinion on it.

Review of “Kill Bill Volume 1” is done.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold” – Old Klingon Proverb.