Movie Review: Carnosaur (1993)

I can already hear the comments asking why I watched this movie, let alone review it. Well, let’s just say that I am currently petitioning to get morbid curiosity labeled as a federal crime in order to prevent shit like this from happening to me again.

Ladies and gents… “Carnosaur”.

A scientist manages, through some sort of bioengineering, to bring a dinosaur to life, which then promptly escapes from the lab… seeking to eat any living thing that comes in its path. Do you like “Jurassic Park”, but wish they took out all the awe, the whimsy, the fun, the suspense… and basically anything that makes a good story out? Well then “Carnosaur” is for you! Look, I expected schlocky entertainment, that’s fine. But could you at least aim to make said schlock fun? This right here is boring. How do you make an 80-minute movie about a murderous dinosaur this sluggish and dull? The writing here isn’t even a funny kind of bad, it’s just bad bad.

The characters are so boring and uninteresting that I didn’t recognize them beyond “Main-ish guy”, “Scientist lady”, and “Clint Howard”. Which is a shame, because there’s some genuine talent in this cast. Diane Ladd, Raphael Sbarge, Ned Bellamy, and Clint Howard are all talented people, I think they all at least try to do something good with the material here… but they all unfortunately can’t elevate this web sock of a script. Except for Clint Howard, he at least seems mildly self-aware about it all.

The score for the movie was composed by Nigel Holton, and it’s not great. His compositions are eclectic, poorly structured, and a bit week. I get that he’s going for the good ol’ monster brass. What does that mean? Loud, a little bit chaotic, utilizing a lot of staccatos to create a sort of scare effect. And while I respect that… it doesn’t really work here due to somewhat poor compositions.

Based on the novel of the same name written by John Brosnan, “Carnosaur” was written and directed by Adam Simon… and if you’ve read the previous sections, you might figure out my thoughts here. I get that this is low-budget, but I’ve seen low budget films that work around their limitations even better. The shot composition is passable at best, and the editing is quite meh too. If I have to give a few words of praise to anything, the effects work is alright. The dinosaur effects look fine, and there’s a few pretty alright gore effects too. But overall the craft in this isn’t great.

This movie hasn’t been very well received at all. On Rotten Tomatoes it has an 11% positive rating. And on imdb.com it has a score of 3,6/10.

I love dinosaurs. I love a bit of schlock. But “Carnosaur” somehow really let me down by being boring, unfocused, drab, and not having a single interesting character. Time for my final score. *Ahem*. My final score for “Carnosaur” is a 1,02/10. So definitely skip this one.

My review of “Carnosaur” is now completed.

How can you make dinosaurs boring?

Movie Review: We Make Movies (2016)

Full disclosure: The people who made this film offered me a free copy of it in exchange for me reviewing it. And since I’m a greedy sucker that doesn’t say no to a free movie, accepted. I just wanted to let you know that. I’m not letting the kindness/generosity of the filmmakers cloud my judgment of the film, but I still felt like it would be best for you to know about this sponsorship (for lack of a better word). Alright, let’s review this thing.

Ladies and gentlemen… “We Make Movies”.

Stevphen (Matt Tory) is a young, ambitious, and kind of arrogant filmmaker who wants to make a movie that he can show at the local film festival. So he gathers a bunch of friends to make this “masterpiece”. And we then follow them through the ups and downs of this process. And this plot was handled quite well. I found it quite fun to follow these people go through all the steps of making an ambitious movie on a ham sandwich budget, with all the problems that comes with it. It’s quite entertaining following the “behind the scenes” antics of this crew. It even manages to be a bit inspiring with how they never give up despite clearly running into more problems than Wile E. Coyote. The plot here is simple, but good.

The characters here are all distinct, interesting, and quite entertaining. Matt Tory plays Stevphen (no, I didn’t have a stroke, that’s how it’s spelled), the determined yet arrogant and selfish director of this “masterpiece”. He’s a fun character even if he is a bit of a dick. And Tory is good in the role. Jordan Hopewell plays Donny, Stevphen’s nerdy friend that is helping him out on this movie, and while he is portrayed as the typical nerd character, they don’t overdo it and he never feels annoying… as a matter of fact, he’s quite fun. And Hopewell is good in the role. Jonathan Holmes plays Garth, another friend of Stevphen’s, a slightly more serious and logical man. And Holmes is good in the role. Zack Slort plays Leonard, a “method actor” that the crew brings in to play the main role in their film. He’s kind of pretentious, but that’s what makes him fun. And Slort is good in the role. Anne Crockett plays Jessica, a young woman that joins the production to be their film’s female lead. And Crockett is good in the role. We also have Matt Silver as Curtis, a dude that shows up every now and then throughout the movie. he’s very chill and Stevphen just doesn’t like him. And Silver is good in the role. Really, all actors in the movie do well for themselves.

When it comes to the music in the movie, there is no real original score, but they instead used music from various artists throughout. But there’s not too much music in the movie, it’s used pretty sparingly. And that is fine, too much music might not have worked with the movie’s overall style. But when music was used it was used well.

The movie was written and directed by the star, Matt Tory. And I think he did a really good job here. The movie is shot documentary style, with fake interviews and everything. I think this style really helps the movie out as a “normal” directing style wouldn’t have worked that well with the story they wanted to tell. And since this is a comedy we should talk about the jokes… and they’re funny. And while I admittedly never had a laugh out loud moment at any point, I still found myself laughing at most of the jokes. And the ones that didn’t get a laugh at least got a smile out of me. The humor (to me at least) was never boring or cringey, it was genuinely funny. It’s also a sense of humor that actually gets elevated by the mockumentary style.

This movie barely exists on the sites I usually refer to in this little “critical reception” section. At least it exists on imdb.com where it (as of writing this) has a score of 8,3/10.

“We Make Movies” is a fun little indie comedy that I really enjoyed. It has a good plot, good characters, good performances, good music, good directing, and really good comedy. Time for my final score. *ACTION!*. My final score for “We Make Movies” is a 9,57/10. So it gets the “SEAL OF APPROVAL!”.

My review of “We Make Movies” is now completed.

Once again, huge thanks to the filmmakers for giving me a free copy of the movie! Really appreciate it! Now, if any of you reading this wants to check it out, you can find it on Amazon.